By: Mo Nickels

Amen to keeping it short (I’ll be bald on top in six years), and I’ll add: this means regular haircuts. Every two weeks is about right. Add them to the calendar, and make them a must-do. Because when you’re balding, if you let it go, people think you’re in denial, besides that it just looks *bad.* I’d rather be bald than even have one person think I’m kidding myself about losing my manhood one strand at a time.

I like to give a speech when I get my haircut at a new place (although I think I’m now set on the young Uzbeki fellow who cuts my hair). It goes, “I know I am going bald. This is not a problem for me. Please do not attempt to hide the balding. Just cut my hair normally. Do not leave it longer on top to give the appearance of fullness. Thank you.”

Problem is, a couple of months ago the Polish woman who cut my hair didn’t understand a lick of English. I came out of there looking like Slobo Milosevic. That’s what I get: I went to that salon in hopes of getting the extraordinarily beautiful stylist again, but she was out, so I said what the hell, and ended up with a “stylist” whose face was squinched up like and had a stance like she usually spent her days with her hands on a plow and with her eyes on a horse’s ass.

Filed under: Male Patterned Baldness

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